i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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