i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
