I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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