I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
