I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Randomize
