i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
