I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
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he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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