At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
