woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
