And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
me + whiskey = a bad person
Ladies don't puke and tell
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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