i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
