Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
