On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
