We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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