making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
