I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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