We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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