While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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