There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
