the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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