...so i touched it.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize