god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I could fuck to npr.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
