youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
