i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just had sex on a roof
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
