my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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