I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
