Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
