He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
