I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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