I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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