...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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