I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
