I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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