Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
