Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I party with great urgency now.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
