I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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