what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
