Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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