I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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