Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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