i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
