Farmville is her only friend.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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