oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize