"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
