Three words: puerto rican gang bang
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
