come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
