remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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