She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
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Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
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Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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