Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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