Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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