can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
