I am in a vortex of obligation.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
