I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
