They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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