Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
