just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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