She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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