i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize
