I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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