remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
