It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
