i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
