too bad you live with your parents still
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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