Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
