I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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