I wish I could punch you in the face.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
