I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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