I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She bit a glass in half.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
